Self - Restraint

Restraint of one's emotions, desires, or inclinations; self-control.

I practised self-restraint today. I was at the airport when Eddy landed from Sydney. I knew he was arriving around the same time I would be there so I called the service hotline to check the time, gate and terminal. I was dying to surprise him and see him. But deep down, I was afraid that I would be disappointed. He would greet me casually. He would be occupied with all the goodbyes from his colleagues that I would be left standing on the side. I'd be tagging along when he went for his smoke and I'd be waiting. He would probably see a few people he knew and make small talk. He would go into the office to sign out and would be stuck there as he met more friends. And then, maybe, he would have some time for me. All these are "would-s" and "probably-s" but it has happened before. And I didn't like it.

I was THAT close. But the fear of rejection? the fear of disappointment? was far too painful to bear. So I left and went for lunch with my colleagues.

A pat on the back for me!