EX And The City

Sex And The City - Season Two, Episode 30.

Can you be friends with an ex?

My answer is NO. I've tried doing that with three ex-boyfriends. It didn't work. Let's ignore the fact that I'm neurotic!

I was dumped by one boyfriend, BH (my fault, but that's a whole other story) After a few months of silence, he suggested that we be friends. In the beginning, I was happy because it meant that I would still see him and have dinner and still go out with my best friend. After all, we were together for 8 years. You don't just throw that away. I also secretly hoped that he would take me back again. But after 6 months of "friendship" and friendly hugs and pecks on the cheeks, he told me that he was dating again. It killed me to hear that. This time, I called it off.

It was easier with the next guy, J. I didn't feel as strongly for him. I was also the dump-er. It is always easier when you're the dump-er. We met for the occasional dinner every few months or chatted online. No hard feelings there. One night, we were out for dinner and Alison called. That's when I first found out about her. J was one of those "Don't ask, don't tell" guys. Then another time, he invited me to a family gathering to celebrate his brother David's birthday. I thought that if I were Alison, I wouldn't want to see my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend at a private family function. It's a NO-NO. So in view of Alison's feelings, I started to fade into the background. Last I heard, he was in Malaysia for a holiday with Alison. I'm happy for him.

With E, it was hard. He still wanted to be friends. I should take that as a compliment because he didn't want to be friends with any of his exes, other than Amy. But the few times we went out, I found myself trying to sneak a whiff off his shoulder (he smells so good all the time!) or accidentally bump into his arm or playfully chuck his chin. It was hard to keep my hands off him.

I would always check my Messenger to see if he were online. Switched on my mobile the minute I land, hoping for a message from him. No familiar beep-beep. I always assumed that he would look me up for breakfast / lunch / dinner when we were both in town. I would always end up eating alone. Pathetic, I know.

After one too many downs, I told him that I couldn't be friends anymore. It was too exhausting. All that disappointment. I was the one with expectations. It was not his fault. He was just being him. E.

Carrie went through the same thing. She thought that she could have dinner with Big and just when she thought it was going so well, he dropped a bombshell - he was getting engaged. That is NOT something you want to hear from the guy you still want, you still care about deeply, you still love.

I hope that I will be over E soon. Wish me luck!