Friday The 13th

Today is Friday the 13th.

I should have felt the cloud over my day. And true enough, something bad happened. Eddy found out about my extravagant purchase in Milan. No wonder he sounded funny over the phone this evening. He casually mentioned that he had met Jacqueline at the office. And I had a feeling that he found out about the watch.

I quickly texted Jacq to get the details but she never replied. I couldn't sleep the whole night. All the while, this feeling of guilt was hovering over me. Finally, Jacq called and I got to know what happened today. Jacq was with Eddy's ex-girlfriend, Lilian and they started a conversation. Then Jacq told him that I bought a watch and he was surprised as I told him earlier that I did not buy anything in Milan. He was probably shocked at the price I paid too. I assume that he was pretty unhappy about why I lied to him.

Why did I lie? First of all, I felt that I was too hasty in buying the watch. I did not check out the prices in other countries to do a comparison. I just assumed that since Milan was a place to buy branded items like leather goods at a lower price than other countries, it would be a place to buy watches as well. Ever since I found out what I could have paid for it in Singapore, I felt like an idiot and I really didn't feel the joy in owning the watch. I didn't even wear it after I got back home. I felt foolish. I felt like a sucker.

I also knew that Eddy did not approve of buying branded goods - period. Many times when we went shopping, he would point out that he would not pay for this item or that, but I, on the other hand, would. This was where we differed in priorities and tastes. I will pay $250 for a Casio watch but not a Blum dress? I would fork out $4000 for a holiday but not for a Chanel bag? So I did not want to admit to Eddy that I had bought an expensive, excessive, exorbitant, overpriced watch because I was too ashamed and guilty.

But now that he knows, I wonder what I should do. If I try to carry the lie further, I might trip over myself one day. If I admit my rashness, he will know that it is because I spoke to Jacq and it was not my conscience that made me tell the truth. Either way, I'm fucked.

Although we are no longer together, I still value Eddy's opinions and want his approval because he still matters to me. It's almost Valentine's Day and my sweetheart is upset at me. I have to salvage the situation and hope for the best.

Honesty is the best policy.